temporary happiness :(

I sleep 1:30am after our long time of texting. I wake up 3:30am. I know. I just can’t sleep that time, coz I’m excited. I’m excited to be with 

him. To be with his arms again. To hold his hands. To hug him again. To kiss him again.

I know, he stuck in the past. You know how is it hard to love a person who cannot move on with his past?.  It’s been 2 years since they broke up, or since he broke that girl’s heart. And since then, he can’t move on. He keeps to blame his self for that. Yah I know he’s the reason for the break up, due to his weird ego to be single, to enjoy his teenage life without that girl. And so the break up happens. And after that he’s gonna be like that?. Weird. He once told me “be happy with the life of your ex”. And then suddenly, hindi pala siya ganun.

I know, tanga ko. For loving, I mean for falling in love with someone who is still in love with his ex. Who enjoys life alone. Who is not sure if 

he’s gonna love again. Who puts tattoo dedicated to his ex. Who is afraid to commit the same mistakes again.

As long as nalaman ko ung reason why bigla siyang nagbago, I don’t know what to feel. Am I gonna be happy coz he been honest?. Or I don’t know. I asked him this, “why are you trying to give motive or court someone wherein the first place, di ka pala ready?”  he replied “coz it’s one way of my ways to move on” . Sakin kasi that’s ok e.. isn’t a good feeling na you’re his new reason to move on?. Pero as a friend told me, “THAT”S PANAKIP BUTAS”. Yah I know, and yes I want to be his new reason. His reason to move on. His reason to forget his awful past. Kaso kasi di ko pa nasusubukan parang ang hirap na.

He say’s sorry, after a long time of no talks.no messages. After a long time na hindi xa ngparamdam. After a few days na nagbago siya. Then we will see each other mamaya. Sasabayan niya ko sa pagpasok, at mag-aantay na naman ako sa kanya pauwi.

Things I’ve learned? 1. Be careful. Be careful with my feelings. Coz there is a BIG possibility na hindi pa rin siya makamove on.  2. Be prepared. Be prepared for the results of this mess. 3. Take it slow, hindi ko kaylangan magmadali. 4. Know my place. I know for now, wala pa talaga akong space sa puso niya. I’m not gonna wait. Para kong tanga pag ginawa ko un. 5. Finally, don’t wait.

Panigurado pag nakasama ko na nman xa mmya, magiging msaya n naman ako. Lagi na nman akong tatayo pag nagcacalls ako para lang mkita ko siya. I know, that’s temporary happiness. TEMPORARY. TEMPORARY.

8:50 am 3^rd of September 11