Afraid. I'm afraid.

The day before yesterday, I know what's the problem with me, it just sinked in from nowhere. 

I'm not planning any future with him, we've not even talk about it because he is discourage about the responsibility I have with my family.

I just later realized what I supposed to do, but it seems that it's already too late. I'm not so sure if I can still have him back. He doesn't seem to be. I'm afraid.

Right now, I'm on the process of moving on, yeah I'm not through with the "crying" and "depressing" stage yet, but it's part of moving on, right?

I know I'm not ready to lose him, I'm not. But I'm trying to change, for myself and for him if he's gonna come back. 

I can't compare any love from my past, that's why I'm not sure whether I'd love someone like this before.

But one thing is clear on my mind, I will continue my plan and change for good.

If in any case he doesn't love me anymore, so be it. Love cannot be forced. 

I'm so afraid right now of what will happen and what his decision would be. So afraid.