my longest blog ever..

10:46 am . November 8, 2011


while i'm creating this blog post for today, a song is playing while my eyes burst into tears. 
it's kinda long, so i hope if someone will read it, PLEASE BE PATIENT :)


That's why i hate day offs. Most of the time, i have no one to talk to, thinking about things that i can't let go.


nalulungkot talaga ako ngayon.. :'(


emo.bitter.assumera, i don't care how people call me..


why there are people destined to meet each other, missed one another, hold hands together, hugs and kissed one another but not destined to be together?.


why there is a need that you're the only one loving? why do i need to meet him? to missed him? to loved  him? . is it just to become happy for that certain moment and be sad after?.


why do i fall for someone who can't even move on with his past? who locked his heart for his ex. who dedicate his DEO GRATIAS tattoo to her? i don't understand.


the only thing that i do is to return back the appreciation that he's giving before. kaso sumobra ata ako. i give love to a person whom i thought can love me back.


it kills me.


kaya ayokong titignan yung wall nia e..


yes. i was being rejected, for the very first time in my life. masakit pala. akala ko nung bumalik siya e ok na. ndi pa pala.


natuwa ako kasi namiss niya ko. natuwa ako kasi pinapansin niya na ko ulit. pansamantala lang na nman pala un.


i can't hate him. 


since from the start i already know that i can't have a place in his heart. ASSUMERA nga kc ako kaya umasa ko.


ok na kasi ako e..kaso bumalik ka pa.


i'm missing you so badly. so bad


ansakit pala makipag flirt.. especially when you fall for that certain person na you never thought you will never love.


why there are some person's that will exert efforts just to prove that they like you, and will just leave you behind after you loved them back? People has their own reasons for everything. but i don't know kung ano yung reason niya. 


I'm wrong.I'm down. I assume. I hoped. I wished. I appreciate. I loved. 


and now, it f***ing kills me (sorry god).


11:23am - been interrupted by teen..we both have love problems..damn..


11:36am


continuing. eating hershey's dark bitter chocolate. i love bitter chocs.


i hate his post. it hurts me. 


teen once told me, i deserve someone better. yes i do. but not now. masakit pa e. hindi pa kasi ako ok. i can't really move on. there's a part sakin that keeps stopping me to move forward.


parang siya. ndi siya maka move on. 2 yrs. i'm still trying to accept na he cannot love me back. na ndi siya makakamoveon. ang hirap kc talaga. although you try to redirect your feelings, attention to something, there's a part of you that still turn back to those memories that you have shared.


sabunutan ko ung ex nia e..JK 


i missed him so bad. so bad. so bad. so bad. so bad. so bad.


sometimes, i was thinking kung anu ung meaning ng tingin nia sakin these past few days. and what how he feels when he sees me.

i'm so tired of crying but i can't stop myself. I want to cry as loud as i can. and those songs that's on my playlist?. damn, it makes me sick. 


sometimes, tears can express feelings easier than words.


ayokong ipakita na nasasaktan ako. kahit gusto ko. gusto kong ipakita sa kanya kung panu ko umasa, kung panu ko nag aantay pa rin sa kanya kahit alam kong hindi na siya babalik. gusto kong umiyak sa harap niya para malaman niya nman ung nararamdaman ko. 

i'm a pretender. i pretend that i'm ok. that there's nothing wrong. that i'm not hurt. that i'm not suffering. that i'm totally happy.

i don't wanna let go, pero nagawa ko. para na kasi akong tanga nung time na un (sorry god sa term). pero ndi ko inisip na i'm taken for granted. never. 

un kasi sabi nila e. i need to let go. i'm the only one loving. ayan tuloy, di ako makaget over. pano kaya kung ndi ako umalis?. masaya kaya ako ngayon? :(

i just want you to love me back. masama ba yon? i pity myself. pucha kelan ba ko makakamoveon? (sorry ulit for the term god). 


i appreciate all songs. i'm so tired. 

he influence me a lot. tattoo. songs. music. garlic bread. sbarro. starbucks chocolate cake. mocha frap. movies. 


when i first saw him sa floor after adding me at fb, sabi ko ndi aq maiinlove dito. cge entertain ko. but definitely i was wrong. nalimutan ko, one of my weakness pala e i'm easy to fall in love. i feel happy that someone appreciates me. one question na ndi ko malilimutan, may bf ka ba?. no. he replied alright..don't know how can i end this blog. i have a lot to say.

sana pala nung tinanong nia na "ano ba tau?". sana d q sinagot na ndi ko alam, kc auq ng relationship. 


yes from the start i don't want any relationships, e anong mgagawa ko?. i fall for him. so deep. so deep na i can't even move. i can't even let go. 


pauli ulit na ba ko?.tss..


i missed you. i wanna be with you again.


i really missed this kid..

i never really met him. i used to talk to him very often before when i'm calling gino. inaanak niya yan. he usually asked me:

• may banyo ba kayo?
• sino kasama mo sa bahay?
• may tindahan ba kayo?
• bakit mag isa kalang? wala ka bang mama?.

and a lot of out of this world stuffs. just so happy remembering those memories that once made me smile. and that is also the memories  that keeps killing me.

wanna end this loooooong blog by this picture that he posted on his fb wall:

"When I needed an angel, I didn't have to look to the sky, cause you made me realize that you were right here all the time..:)"

 this pic received 26 likes and don't know how many comments. nakakatamad magbilang. 

thank you for posting this. as i end this blog, i will just stay here. be myself. will definitely learn to move on. you know i love you. and i missed you so badly. i just wanna be with you. i really want to. 

hindi ako patay na patay sa kanya. mahal ko lang talaga. 

he's the second person that told me that i'm an angel. that's where i get my reason for my tat.

kinda long. but i'm happy i posted what i need to say. i express my feelings.

i just loved this guy. and i don't want anyone to force me to stop loving him. i will take my time. di ganun kadali mag move on dude.

I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU AS WELL.

end.

12:40 am