trying..

                     
24th of January in the year of our Lord, 2012..

Making things clear.

Isn't it hard to reject a person twice?. I've been rejected thrice by one person and i don't want other people feel the same way. I don't wanna hurt. It's more better that i'm the one hurting.  I'm sorry for those persons that I hurt and still hurting. Sorry for the persons who still wait for me. In fact, I cannot open myself to anyone. It's really hard for me to do this because I'm afraid to be alone. Afraid to be alone.

Isn't it confusing why i'm still in love in our old sweet bitter memories?. Why i'm still stuck in one person that I know will never be mine from the start?.

That moment that I keep crying everyday trying to force myself to forget the shared memories we've had. 

Trying to be more fine everyday. Trying to hide my feelings. Trying not to be alone. Trying to be happy. Trying to smile. Trying to forget. Trying to be more okay. Trying not to look back.  Trying not to think of him. Trying not to listen to those songs that reminds me of him. Trying not to miss him. Trying not to love him. Trying to move on. But those are try's. and that's the truth. 

That sad moment that you think that he's not thinking of you, that he is more happy not being with you, that he already forget the one's that you've shared, that he totally moved on..

hurt.rejection.bitterness.sadness.heartaches.broken.you teach me all those things, you are the only person who did that, and people  asking why is it that hard to forget you?. damn, can't they see?.

i don't know why i still cry every night. i really don't know why. promise.